Twilight.

80 million in the box office.  Screaming fan girls.  I decided to check it out.

The vampire graphics, as usual, sucked.  Speed and feeding SUCKED.  Strength SUCKED.  Just bad in that department.

ON TOP OF IT ALL, vampires are supposed to have an air of seduction.  Yes, Edward Cullen HAD seduction.  I almost fell for it.  BUT it was very fake.  Very forced.  He seems like he’s meant to play a goofy character — not some hot vampire.  He’s a nerd!  He may be “hot,” but he doesn’t know how to work it.  He’d be better off in Harry Potter (oh wait) seducing the more nerdy of nerds — not the vampire nerds that secretly want to have their neck sucked while being . . . oh wait, I’ll stop.

Nice hair, is it natural?

But, I give Twilight props, generally.  The main girl character WANTS to be turned into a vampire to be with Edward — forever.  Isn’t the cute?  Hell, I wish that could happen IRL, man.

Walking Philadelphia.

“Derelicts.”  The only word that I can think of that can describe the people of Philadelphia.

Cripples, half cripples, fake cripples, homeless cripples, government funded cripples.

Starbucks, Starbucks hipsters, Starbucks whores, Starbucks caffeine addicts, Starbucks yuppies.

Cheesesteaks, fat men, obese women, obtuse children, ballooned babies.

Dirty, dirtier, dirtiest, insane, litter.

Minorities, minors, millionaires, office worker stereotypes, suits and ties.

Eagles fans, Phillies fans, 76ers fans.

Black, Obama, African, ghetto, rap, ebonics.

Everyone’s fucked up.

Top Ten Things to Find In the Streets of Philadelphia.

10.  Pee/Feces

It always smells like a toilet in Philly, so I’m guessing that’s what it really is!

9.  Red Solo Cups

Especially in college kid neighborhoods, but they tend to blow all around the city (it’s a wind tunnel).

8.  Chicken Bones

Stereotypical.

7.  Clothes/Blankets

Homeless peoples’ nests or just undesired — don’t leave your stuff all over the place!

6.  Used Prepaid Phone Cards

Think you found someone’s credit card and you’re ready to max it out?  Nope, you’re wrong.  Just a useless prepaid phone card.  Damn.

5.  Dime Bags (Empty)

Why are they always empty!?

4.  Homeless People

Sleeping/laying/passed out/crazy.  They’re all over the place.

3.  Used Tampons/Condoms

These are disgusting but very common.  I can see condoms, but TAMPONS?  What do you do, just rip ‘em out and throw ‘em out the car window?  Sheesh!

2.  Obama/Phillies/Protest Prop 8/Riot Propaganda

Philly loves its riots — so keep on the look out for some vintage Obama/Phillies signs while recycling anything related to Prop 8 — IT’S NOT OVER YET.  Too bad it’s doubtful the Eagles will win the Super Bowl . . . could you imagine?!

1.  Tumble Weaves

I will never understand the concept of hair being glued to your head and then it falling out all over the place.  Isn’t that a little . . . odd?  Nevertheless, finding different varieties of braided hair rolling down the street is pretty funny.

Rollin', rollin', rollin'!

I’m Biased.

I have decided that I am going to differenciate between those who have done a “psychedelic drug” and those who have not.  Unless that person proves to me that they are open minded and willing to learn/accept me, I will remain very edgy towards that person, even secluded, because they are “offended” by me and what I do.

Just a little something to think about — you don’t want me to “hate on” gays, blacks, Muslims, New Zealanders — then why “hate on” me for doing a relatively harmless “drug?”

Proposition 8.

What.  The.  Fuck.

Are we going back in time?  To . . . the 50s?  Yeah.  Because even in the 60s and 70s FREE LOVE was at least an IDEA.

Man.

I’m already disturbed enough being surrounded by stupid people — but this takes the cake.

This takes every cake in the whole world!

I will update this later.

Update:

Alright, instead of complaining/saying what has already  been said, I will predict the future (one of my many unappreciated skills).  I believe that there will be enough protest/problems associated with this “PROP” that it will come tumbling down like Jack down a hill.  Boo yah.

Bluetooth.

I’m walking down the street.  Minding my own business, I walk past a complete stranger, who, with excitement, says, “Hello!”
“Hi?” I respond, and turn around.  The person keeps walking in a hurry.  Sometimes I spot the little plastic device in the person’s ear — other times I question their sanity.
“How are you?” another person asks?
“Good . . . ” Oh wait.  Bluetooth.

"Hey, babe, I'm talking on my Bluetooth. Oh yeah."

Another scenario.
“God damn fuckin’ fucks, going to take me to the clean’as, gonna warsh m’out!  Mo’fuckas!”
Hm.  He must be talking on his Bluetooth!  No problem.
. . . Oh wait, he’s just some crazy homeless man.

How 'bout them BLUE pants?

Sometimes, it’s hard to tell the difference between the two.
“AW SHUCKS, BABY, WHY YOU TREAT ME THIS WAY.”
Bluetooth?  Possibly!  Not sure, maybe she’s just mad at the world.  Or God.  Don’t know!
“I love potatoes!”
Maybe this person loves potatoes so much that they want to declare it to the world!  Or maybe they’re telling someone that they’d love potatoes for dinner or something.  Either way, this person is weird.

These men are depicting what the creators intended Bluetooth to be -- Hip, seemingly expensive/high quality, needed, sexy, desired, bedroom toys, aides in increasing stamina . . .

Bluetooths, all in all, seem like a waste of money (well, only 50 dollars or so).  I guess they can come in handy for the person who is on the phone A LOT, but for the average human, they seem a little far fetched.  Complications involving the wireless, finicky voice activations and having to wear the headpiece just makes it not worth the trouble — oh yeah, and don’t forget that half the people that you walk past on the streets think you’re a madman!